Public Humiliation

A man wearing a placard branding him a thief was marched to the police station by his boss, who accused him of stealing £845 from their workplace.

Simon Cramer, of In-House Flooring in Witham, exposed sticky-fingered carpet fitter Mark Gilbert to the public humiliation when he was caught cashing a stolen company cheque.

Gilbert, 39, said of the incident: "For a few minutes I thought I was going to die, they jumped on me and beat me to the floor and then bound up my hands and legs so I couldn’t move.

"I was already ashamed of what I had done. I admitted straight away I had made a mistake but they kept on punishing me.

"They told me not to struggle and said they would take me to the police station, then they threw me in the back of a van.

"I couldn’t see anything and was face down on the floor by all the tools. At that point I was just desperately thinking, 'I hope they do take me to the nick, I could end up in some field somewhere instead'."

But the stunt backfired when Mr Cramer was arrested for false imprisonment when he arrived at the local police station with his wayward employee in tow.

Mr Cramer said: "I’ve been told it’s in the hands of the CPS and that it’s likely they’ll bring charges.

"They take false imprisonment very seriously. The thought of prison is intolerable. The whole situation has got out of control. All I wanted to do was tackle Mark about what he’d done."

Unfortunately, given all the negative publicity surrounding Gilbert, it's unlikely any future prosecution would be successful.

The self-confessed thief will undoubtedly walk free.

Muslim Forklift Driver Sues Tesco

A Muslim forklift truck driver is suing Tesco for religious discrimination after he was made to move crates of alcohol as part of his job.

Derby man Mohammed Ahmed, 32, worked for the supermarket for eight months before alleged victimisation made him resign.

Mr Ahmed told an employment tribunal that Tesco refused to find him an alternative role after he told them that his strict Islamic beliefs forbade him from handling alcohol. He claims that supervisors responded by becoming aggressive and telling him to "do the job or go home" and not to "take the piss".

Mr Ahmed began working at the company's Lichfield depot in September 2007. He told the tribunal that, as he had never been in a Tesco store, he did not realise that Britain's largest supermarket sold alcohol before he began working for them.

Laura Canham, representing Tesco, told the tribunal that it was unrealistic for Mr Ahmed to say he had no idea what his duties would be.

Miss Canham said: "He was advised at the outset what the job would entail. At no stage did he raise the fact he could not handle alcohol."

The tribunal concludes later this week. Let's hope that common sense prevails.

HMG Acquires Bradford & Bingley

The Bradford & Bingley is to be nationalised, after becoming the latest casualty of the ailing mortgage market and property crunch.

News is breaking this evening that the West Yorkshire based bank, which lost 90% of its value over the past year, could be taken into public ownership as early as tomorrow.

It's believe that B&B could be merged with Northern Rock, which was nationalised earlier this year after becoming insolvent. The combined Government administered superbank would then be sold off to one of the large multinational banking groups like HSBC.

The nationalisation should safeguard mortgages and investments with the bank.

The news will frustrate the Government after their short-lived Labour Party conference bounce back. At the start of the year it was almost unthinkable that two well known UK banks would go bust.

Public confidence in the UK economy remains low with the cost of living standing at 5% even by the most conservative of estimates. Unemployment and home repossessions are also on the increase.

To quote a famous song - things can only get better.

Google 10 Today

It's birthdays all around today as Google celebrates its 10th birthday and I celebrate my 28th.

Google has come a long way since their famous search engine went live in September 1998. Back then ambitious young computer science postgrads Larry Paige and Sergey Brin were trying to establish their new business by working fifteen hours a day in a borrowed Menlo Park garage.


Their early work paid off and it wasn't long before Google was recognised for returning relevant search results. A PC Magazine report endorsed Google as the search engine of choice for 1998 and as a result the engine's popularity rocketed.

The company needed new servers to cope with increased demand and relocated a few miles south to larger new premises in Palo Alto. The workforce at this point was a modest eight full time employees. By the end of 1999 the company had relocated to its current home of Mountain View.

The new millennium signalled the beginning of several famous Google brands including the Toolbar and AdWords. By now Google had also indexed an unrivalled billion pages of information. The search engine itself had been expanded into ten different languages including French, German, Italian and Spanish.

By the end of 2001 Google had introduced the famous Image Search functionality that works alongside their text based search engine. Their index had also trebled to include 3 billion pages of information.

2002 saw the introduction of Google APIs, Labs, Froogle and News.

The following year, 2003, was also a busy time for Google. They acquired Pyra Labs and the popular Blogger blog hosting site. AdSense, the contextual advertising service, joined the Google fold and became closely integrated with the existing AdWords service.

In 2004 Google moved across town to new offices in Amphitheatre Parkway. The campus-like development, known as the Googleplex, became home to Google's 800-strong workforce. By the end of the year Google had indexed more than 8 billion pages of information.


View Larger Map

2005 saw more innovation with the release of Google Talk, Scholar, Analytics, Maps, Blog Search, Reader and Earth. The introduction of the new Gmail service, with ever increasing online storage capacity, meant that users would never have to worry about the size of their inboxes again.

The Google empire expanded even further when the company acquired YouTube in late 2006. Google Docs and Spreadsheets also proved a convenient and popular way of saving word processed and numerical data online.

Last year Google expanded the coverage of several of their existing services. AdSense for mobile was also launched, allowing publishers to generate revenue from mobile browsing visitors to their site. Docs was expanded to include slide presentation functionality akin to Microsoft PowerPoint. The introduction of Street View allowed web users a three dimensional view of some sections of Google Maps.

This year has seen Google's first advance into the software market with the introduction of the Chrome web browser.

Wow... I wish the last ten years had been as exciting for me!

New Laptop

After a hectic week I have finally been able to unbox my new laptop, which arrived last Tuesday. You can tell you're working too hard when you're too lethargic to unwrap your new toy as soon as it arrives!

I've spent much of the afternoon personalising it and adding bits of software. It's an Acer Aspire 5920, which has been slightly modified to my spec. It's got a 1.86 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor (fast enough), 3 GB RAM, 250 GB HDD and snazzy graphics card. My only concern is the light colouration of the keyboard could be difficult to keep clean.

My ancient (now famous) Acer Travelmate (circa 2003) will be going to my brother for him to use or dispose of as he pleases. I have a feeling my niece will have her first computer lesson on it. As she's only little I doubt she'll experience the same frustration as I do when she's mashing her hands all over the keyboard.

Phoney Pound Coins

One in every fifty pound coins in circulation is counterfeit, according to the latest figures released by the Royal Mint.

The Mint carried out a similar study in 2003, which revealed the proportion of counterfeits to be about 1% back then.

Today's counterfeits, although much more common, lack the quality workmanship of earlier attempts. A counterfeit coin is likely to have indistinct lettering, the wrong typeface on the rim and blurred pictorial detail. As most counterfeits have a different composition to the genuine coin they will probably be rejected by vending machines.

The BBC News website published this handy photograph to help identify fakes:


It is an offence to produce or knowingly pass on a counterfeit coin.

Barclays - Online Banking Blues and Fraud Detection

Following on from last weekend's failed online banking attempt, I managed to slip away from the laugh factory and call in at a Barclays branch today. They're pretty busy places and it was a bit of a novelty (very unNorthumbrian) having to queue to see the personal banker.

Apparently, unbeknown to me, my current account has been associated with different correspondence and residential addresses for the past decade or so. Although correspondence (e.g. statements) was getting through to me the bank wasn't actually sure I was residing at the address in question. I'll not dwell too much on that thought because I've received plastic cards, PINs and all sorts through my correspondence door over the last decade.

That's what caused all the confusion when I tried to register for that new fangled online banking doo dah. Anyway, the nice lady in branch sorted me out and everything should be squared away by the end of the week.

That would have been my only dealing with Barclays today had I not placed a sizable order on Amazon. I've been complaining about the slowness and unreliability of my (steam powered) Acer Travelmate circa 2003 for a couple of years now and today I finally purchased a replacement. A rather nice and expensive replacement too, which I'll no doubt write more about when it arrives.

No more than fifteen minutes after my purchase I had a reassuring telephone call from the Barclays fraud prevention people just to confirm that it was really me who initiated the transaction. It's good to know that they've got their finger on the pulse and investigate unusual transactions immediately.

That's quite enough waffle for today.

More Cardboard Cutouts

Warning: I am not a policeman.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has told delegates at the Labour Party conference about her plans for a new army of community crime fighters.

Ms Smith is keen to give communities a larger input into local policing and sees the new volunteers as another weapon in the fight against anti-social behaviour.

Addressing the Party faithful, Ms Smith said: "I can announce new funding for an army of community crime fighters, to back up the unsung heroes who want to turn the tables on graffiti, on yobs and on violent crime.

"We'll give them the skills and training they need to get results. One for every neighbourhood policing team, a local voice, a direct link."

The scheme, costing the Government £5 million, will see one volunteer allocated to each of 3,600 neighbourhood policing teams across England and Wales.

Ms Smith's announcement comes a few weeks after a leaked Home Office memo revealed the Government's concern that crime will increase due to the current economic downturn.

The move is reminiscent of the introduction of Police Community Support Officer's (PCSOs) during David Blunkett's tenure at the Home Office. In the six years since their inception "Blunkett's bobbies" have attracted criticism for their inability to deal with the most trivial of offences.

Barclays - Online Banking Blues

I thought I'd try and save myself some time, effort and hassle by setting up online banking on my current account, which is with Barclays. Being a busy sort of chap I can't always get to the bank during the day so the idea of managing my account online and at my convenience is quite appealing.

Just as you'd expect you have to sign up via the Barclays website and complete a web form to confirm your account and personal details. I put in my name, account number, sort code, Connect card number and date of birth without fault but for some reason the computer said no. I tried again and still no joy.

Next step was to ring their online banking helpline and after navigating through the touch tone commands I ended up speaking to a real person. I explained that I'd entered my details correctly and for some reason the computer had said no.

The conversation continued something like this:

Barclays guy (BG): "I see Mr Jackson. Can you just confirm your account number and sort code?"
Tom: "Yes. My account number is XXXXXXXX and the sort code is XX-XX-XX."
BG: "Can you tell me your date of birth?"
Tom: "Yes, it's XX-XX-XX."
BG: "Mmm, well according to the computer you already have online banking."
Tom: "No, that's wrong. I've never banked online in my life."
BG: "Mmm, well I can give you the membership number so you can try signing in with it."
Tom: "Okay, please do."
BG: "It's XXXXXXXXXXXX. Do you want to read that back to me?"
Tom: "Yes, here goes: XXXXXXXXXXXX."
BG: "That's correct. Now we'll need to send you a password so you can access your account online. Can you confirm your address please?"
Tom: "Yes, it's [Tom recites address]"
BG: "That's your statement address, not your correspondence address."
Tom: "That's the only address the bank has. When you send me statements you are corresponding with me, so what's the difference?"
BG: "Unfortunately I can only send your password to your correspondence address, not your statement address."
Tom: "Yes, but they're the same. That address is the address I use for all my banking."
BG: "But it's not down as your correspondence address."
Tom: "Well, can you not please send the password to that address instead?"
BG: "No."
Tom: "Oh. So how do I go about informing the bank of my correspondence address?"
BG: "Well, if you use telephone banking I can transfer you to the appropriate department."
Tom: "I don't use telephone banking."
BG: "Oh. Well, in that case you'll have to visit a Barclays branch and inform them."
Tom: "Okay, I suppose I'll do that then. Bye."

So this online banking lark isn't as straightforward as they'd have you believe. Not only does their computer not recognise my account details, but it also thinks I'm already using the service when I'm not.

All in all a complete load of bollocks!

HBOS and LloydsTSB Merger

It is with some sadness that we hear this week that HBOS plc - Britain's largest mortgage lender - has been swallowed up by the smaller (although more solvent) LloydsTSB for a fraction of it's true worth.

I just hope LloydsTSB realise what they are letting themselves in for...


The merger will undoubtedly lead to staff losses from HBOS's former operation. I recommend the Halifax's Sheldon branch as the ideal place for the cull to begin!



Apologies to those of a nervous disposition.

Making a Mountain Out of a Hill

A quirky little story on today's news that Mynydd Graig Goch, a hill in the Snowdonia National Park, has been reclassified as a mountain after hill walkers discovered it was higher than previously publicised.

The intrepid trio of John Barnard, Myrddyn Phillips and Graham Jackson used satellite technology to prove that the summit of Mynydd Graig Goch was 609.75 metres above sea level, taking it above the magic 609.6 metre (2,000 feet) figure that signifies mountain status. Previously measurements had put the summit at only 1,998 feet above sea level.

Speaking to BBC News, Mr Phillips said: "We're very pleased our survey has proved Mynydd Graig Goch is a mountain and not a hill.

"Ordnance Survey has agreed to update its maps (on the internet) straight away, but it might take a bit longer to correct the paper maps."

The trio spent three hours on top of Mynydd Graig Goch collecting data to prove their suspicions that it was indeed a mountain.

Hacked Off

It's been a busy few days for me and I am seriously hacked off for two reasons.

The first reason I won't dwell on in too much detail other than to say that Bontlins - the local equivalent of Bastardstones the bookshop - are yet again dispensing their legendary style of man management.

The second reason is illustrated in the image above.

Over the past 6-months or so I have been undergoing immunisation against Hepatitis B. People who work in places of heightened risk - hospitals, labs, prisons and similar - are routinely immunised against the disease. A couple of months after the final dose of vaccine a blood sample is taken to see if the Hepatitis B surface antibody is present, thereby confirming immunity.

A few days ago I went to my GP's practice to collect my results. To my astonishment the outside of the envelope was helpfully annotated with my name, address and "Hep B results". No doubt everyone who saw that envelope thinks I have been tested for the actual disease rather than the antibody. As the disease is associated with a whole bevy of unsociable practices, I dread to think the conclusions they've jumped to. Peeved as I am, I'll not be naming and shaming just yet because it's a fair bet that they'll hear about this article and take evasive action.

Anyway, that's quite enough for today.

Newcastle United Axe Swings at Terry McDermott

News is breaking this lunchtime that Newcastle United assistant manager Terry McDermott has been sacked by the club.

McDermott's departure comes just a few days after former manager Kevin Keegan quit the Magpies, citing the excessive meddling of United owner Mike Ashley in team affairs.

Reserve team coach Adam Sadler faced the same fate at a crunch meeting this morning at St James' Park.

Toon supporters are already furious at Kevin Keegan's forced resignation from the club. News of McDermott's dismissal is likely to receive an equally critical reception from United's loyal fanbase.

The club also announced that former Republic of Ireland international Chris Hughton would take charge as caretaker manager.

Morpeth Floods Recede

Things are slowly returning to normal in Morpeth following the worst flooding the town has seen in a century.

Around 1,000 properties were evacuated yesterday after the River Wansbeck burst its banks, sending water through the streets of the mid-Northumberland town.

At the heart of the rescue effort were helicopter crews from A Flight, 202 Squadron based at RAF Boulmer, Northumberland Fire and Rescue Service, the RNLI and HM Coastguard.

The YouTube video embedded above shows the ferosity of the water as it pounds beneath the town's Telford Bridge. Water can be seen several feet up the walls of Chantry Church on the opposite bank of the river.

Last night, in addition to the Environment Agency website, I found myself glued to information from an unusual source - Lionheart Radio.

I don't routinely listen to Lionheart, in fact I remember being quite critical about it in the past, but Simon Jobson's show, featuring first hand accounts of the flood victims, was compelling listening. My thanks to Simon for keeping us all in the loop.

This evening a flood warning remains in place on the Rivers Wansbeck, Pont and Derwent in Northumberland.

More rain is forecast for later this week. Let's hope that waters remain in check.

Prison Staff Data Lost

The personal details of thousands of prison staff have been lost in the latest episode of incompetent Government data handling.

Although the data, contained on a 500 GB external hard drive, went missing more than a year news of the loss only reached the Ministry of Justice earlier today.

Justice Secretary Jack Straw was tipped off by the News of the World, who will be running the story in tomorrow's edition.

Mr Straw said: "I am extremely concerned about this missing data.

"I was informed of its loss by the News of the World and have ordered an urgent inquiry into the circumstances and the implications of the data loss and the level of risk involved.

"I have also asked for a report as to why I was not informed as soon as my department became aware of this issue."

EDS, the contractor responsible for the loss, informed HM Prison Service of the mishap back in early July.

The disk is believed to contain the names, dates of birth, national insurance numbers and payroll numbers of 5,000 Prison Service staff.

As these regular data losses go to show the Government can not be trusted to safeguard personal information.

Northern England Braced for Floods

Much of Northern England is braced for flooding after several hours of heavy rainfall on the already saturated ground.

The Environment Agency has issued severe flood warnings - indicating imminent danger to life and property - for the River Wansbeck in Morpeth, Pickering Beck in Pickering and Brough Beck in Catterick.

Many more ordinary flood warnings - which are issued when flooding is expected - are in force across the region.

Here in Northumberland riverside homes are being evacuated in Morpeth and Rothbury, which have both suffered severe flooding in the past. There is also extensive transport disruption with several road closures along the Wansbeck and Coquet valleys.

A full list of the current warnings can be found on the Agency's website.

The Met Office is forecasting continued rain throughout the afternoon, which should recede overnight. Forecasters predict that as much as 80 mm of rain could fall in North East England today.

Yesterday a 17-year-old girl was killed when her car overturned trying to ford a swollen river in Powys.

Petrol Stunt Cripples North London

A part of North London was left gridlocked after a software company's stunt to promote a new game.

Electronic Arts, producer of Mercenaries 2: World in Flames, caused traffic mayhem this morning by giving away £20,000 of free fuel from the Last Stop garage in Finsbury Park.

Local Lib Dem MP Lynne Featherstone criticised the promotion: "Trying to recreate Venezuelan-style fuel riots on the streets of London is completely irresponsible and downright dangerous.

"Hundreds of local residents have faced misery on their daily journeys this morning.

"They deserve an apology for being the victims of such an ill-thought out media stunt."

Local residents were furious at being blocked in their driveways by an ever lengthening queue of drivers trying to claim their £40 worth of free fuel.

But not everyone was critical of EA's promotional methods. Free fuel recipient Prince Davis told journalists: "This is a genius idea, whoever thought of this should be promoted.

"I'll definitely be buying the game, you're never too old to play computer games."

Tory MP in Gunpoint Ordeal

Michael Fabricant, Conservative MP for Lichfield, has spoken about a terrifying misunderstanding that led to him being held at gunpoint by Columbian soldiers.

The 58-year-old was returning from a trekking holiday in South America when Columbian officials performed a search of his baggage. The search uncovered a jar of famous brand beverage whitener, which the officials mistook for raw cocaine.

Speaking to BBC News Michael said: "They started looking through our bags, and came across this container which was unmarked which contained this mysterious creamy, white powder, and they started shouting, 'cocaine, cocaine' or something that sounded like that in Spanish.

"I started to explain Coffee Mate and I don't think they understood because they were going, 'no coffee, no coffee'. I was saying I knew it wasn't coffee, but they were a bit bewildered."

Michael, an MP since 1992, explained that although Columbian coffee was very good he didn't trust the local milk.

Keegan Leaves Toon Under a Cloud

Following three days of rumour, speculation and false starts news finally broke this evening that Kevin Keegan has indeed walked away from Newcastle United.

In a statement issued by the League Managers' Association the former Toon boss said: "It's my opinion that a manager must have the right to manage and that clubs should not impose upon any manager any player that he does not want.

"It remains my fervent wish to see Newcastle United do well in the future and I feel incredibly sorry for the players, staff and, most importantly, the supporters. I have been left with no choice other than to leave."

Those words are a pointed dig at club owner Mike Ashley and his director of football Dennis Wise. Keegan has been frustrated at Ashley's tight grip of the purse strings, unrealistic ambitions for the club and meddling with player transfers.

It is believed that Keegan has been released from his £2 million contractual obligations in exchange for silence about the backstage power struggles at St James' Park. Unfortunately for Ashley everyone on Tyneside already knows what a balls-up he and Wise are making of things.

The confirmation of Keegan's departure likely to infuriate the club's loyal supporters, the majority of whom overwhelmingly support him for his past playing and managerial success with the team.

The chants of "sack the board, sack the board, sack the board" will be echoing around Gallowgate for days to come.

Shame of Metro Hotel in Woking

A soldier on leave from Afghanistan was refused a hotel room when he showed his Army ID card at the reception desk.

Corporal Tomos Stringer, on leave after sustaining a wrist injury, was visiting a wounded colleague in Surrey when he was turned away by the Metro Hotel in Woking.

The Royal Logistics Corps NCO was forced to spend an uncomfortable night in his car after being told it was management policy not to accept military personnel.

Following her son's return to the troubled Helmand province Gaynor Stringer, of Criccieth in North Wales, spoke angrily of the hotel: "I can't believe this has happened to one of our soldiers in his own country. He just didn't know how to react.

"We've been to America and their military get treated like heroes over there.

"I think it's terrible they [UK service personnel] can't even wear their uniform with pride."

Defence Minister Derek Twigg said: "This case is especially egregious given that the individual concerned was on injury leave from Afghanistan and visiting an injured colleague

"The government and, it is fair to say, the vast majority of people in this country, hold the professionalism, courage and contribution made by all those who serve, and have served in the armed forces in very high regard.

"I am delighted that the armed forces generally enjoy immense respect and gratitude on the part of the nation and that contrary sentiments are rare, though evidently they exist."

So if you happen to be in the Woking area of Surrey make a point of not staying at the Metro Hotel. At £75 per night you'll probably be able to find somewhere much friendlier and better value for money.

Kevin Keegan Remains at Newcastle United

In an embarrassing turn of events Newcastle United has just announced that Kevin Keegan has not left the club after all.

The news follows feverish speculation all afternoon that the relationship between Keegan and United owner Mike Ashley had reached breaking point.

A statement, published within the last 10 minutes on the club's website, reads as follows:

"NEWCASTLE United can confirm that meetings between members of the Board and manager Kevin Keegan were held both yesterday and today.

"Kevin has raised a number of issues and those have been discussed with him.

"The Club wants to keep progressing with its long-term strategy and would like to stress that Kevin is extremely important, both now and in the future.

"Newcastle United values the effort and commitment shown by Kevin since his return to St. James' Park and wants him to continue to play an instrumental role as manager of the Club.

"For the avoidance of doubt the Club has not sacked Kevin Keegan as manager."

So it looks like we were all wrong!

Keegan Quits Newcastle United

There are unconfirmed reports this lunchtime that Newcastle United manager Kevin Keegan has left the club after only eight months at the helm.

Keegan has been in talks with United owner Mike Ashley and, according to Sky News sources, is deeply unhappy with recent restructuring of the club - in particular Ashley's decision to appoint Dennis Wise as executive director of football.

King Kev is reported to be disheartened at the lack of funds available to mould the Magpies' squad.

Initial reports suggested that Keegan may have walked away from the club, but the latest twist in the story is that he was dismissed by Ashley.

Speaking to Sky News ex-Newcastle player John Beresford said: "Keegan needs money to invest... but he has not been able to get the players he wants to make that difference and it seems to be that's the reason why they've had this conflict.

"Dennis Wise is not the answer to be the manager of NU. Then again, nobody would be able to come in and follow Kevin Keegan, it's as simple as.

"The only person who'd have half a chance of being accepted would be Shearer."

News of Keegan's demise closely follows United's 3-0 home defeat against Arsenal on Saturday.

It will come as a bitter blow to the Toon faithful, many of whom still reminisce fondly about the Keegan golden years. Keegan remains a hugely popular on Tyneside and the fans must be thinking his premature departure signals another missed opportunity to turn around the team's fortunes.

I'm Back

I'm now back from my two-and-a-bit-week break and ready for blogging action.

It has been an interesting working break.

I've been pretty detached from the news over the last fortnight so I'm catching up on the latest goings-on in Westminster village and the world further afield.

I gather that the PM and Chancellor are at each other's throats over the latter's candid admission that the current economic situation is the bleakest since the 1940s. They have both denied any rift, which almost guarantees Molotov cocktails are being projected over the dividing fence between numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street as I type.

I also hear that the Home Office is preparing contingency plans in anticipation of an increase in crime and illegal immigration as the credit crunch continues to bite.

That should be enough to get my teeth into and I expect I'll be writing an article about something political tomorrow.